We’ve all seen it, or worse, been victim to it: a belligerently violent fashion crime, the stuff horror films are made of. Clothes layered to the point of looking like Joey when he puts on Chandelor’s entire wardrobe, visible back combing, blush everywhere . . . it’s not pretty.
The premise of this post is not to discourage you from observing your own personal style, rather, it is to discourage you from looking like a donkey in public.
It has been our experience that the best way a fight frightening fashion faux pas is to prevent it from happening in the first place; the equivalent of watching a horror movie and screaming “don’t go in there!” Everyone would be better off if they just listened!
We understand and appreciate that fashion trends are consistently changing and keeping up with them can not only be daunting, it can be downright frustrating. Although trends change, some basic guiding principles remain. Today, we review five recurring, absolute disturbing Fashion Faux Pas that are happening, no doubt, in a mall near you.
This is our friend Steph.
Steph is one half of the rad photography team, Jager & Ko. Photography . Libertee and Steph have forged a friendship over the years based on their mutual love of photography . . . and wine. Today, Steph volunteered to be our “helpless victim” to help us prove our point.
Hang on, ladies. It’s time to be scared into submission. BOO!
Children of the Corny Jewellery
Ladies. Simply because you have access to the required appendages to accommodate various pieces of jewellery, does not, not even for a moment, suggest that you should adorn all of said appendages with glitter and gold at once. If you are going to pair your jewellery, be sure that you are only wearing one statement piece at a time.
There will be Blush
You’ve heard us share how important of a step blush is in your cosmetic regimen as it helps to accent the gloriousness of your cheekbones; what you did not hear us say was: “try to replicate the album cover of Twisted Sister.” Easy on the blush! If you don’t have great lighting in your bathroom, we encourage you to either find a window and apply your blush there, or double check when you get in your car. We can’t tell you how many times you could have spotted us at a red light, frantically rubbing our cheeks.
The Amityville Horrible Eyebrows
Don’t get us wrong, we love a full looking brow and can actually be quoted suggesting that you should fill your brows in each and every day. You would be wrong, however, if you inferred that we support the displaced caterpillars look. You can, in fact, go overboard when it comes to filling in your brows. Before you step out the door, we encourage you to Google Image “Ronald McDonald” and if there is even a spec of resemblance . . . wash your face.
The Woman in (too much) Print
It might sound counterintuitive, but you should not match your patterns. Patterns can be delightfully complimentary, like polka dots and stripes, however, they can also be disturbingly overdone. Unless you’re planning on dressing up as an old lady cheetah that has sandwiches in her purse for Halloween – this is generally discouraged.
What Lies Beneath. . . are not pants.
Ladies. We’re going to keep this simple. It doesn't matter what size your body is... If you are wearing leggings with an outfit wear them only if you could comfortably swap them out for a pair of control top panty hose. Leggings stretched over top our underwear on our bums will not do us any favours. Ask Steph! Trust us when we say that you will look taller, leaner, and less like someone who can’t decide if they want to go for brunch, or head to the gym. Leggings are not pants. End scene.